why don't you congratulate

Here is an interesting characteristic of the human brain, it dwells on negativity. Have you ever received a fantastic compliment along with a small note of feedback and you focused on the feedback? Well, that’s the brain. Misery loves company. The brain seeks out comfort by gravitating toward other negative thinkers. This is why when we see someone achieve a goal we want to lớn achieve our initial gut reaction may be to hate on them. Here’s the twist – every time you hate on someone for having what you want, you program your brain to lớn not achieve that goal. Let bu illustrate what I mean.

Let’s say you want a promotion at work. You see someone else is promoted and you immediately go dark. Why should they be promoted and not you? It doesn’t even matter if that person is in a whole other function or department. Their promotion doesn’t effect you getting a promotion at all, but you still hate on them a bit. That’s the brain’s natural mặc định. Here’s the twist, every time you hate on someone for achieving the same thing you want to lớn achieve you program your brain against it. Your brain doesn’t think these things through your mind does. While you may thinking you want a promotion, by hating on someone else you sent a message to lớn your subconscious brain that you don’t lượt thích promotions. You’ve also sent energy out into the Universe that you don’t want a promotion. Remember, this is how the law of attraction works. This is why it is so sánh critical to lớn fill your mind with positive thoughts. The next time someone achieves something, don’t hate, you should celebrate, emulate and congratulate. There is a biological reason we should bởi these four things.

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Celebrate

You’re walking down the street and you see two people holding hands and cooing at each other. Deep down inside you really want this for yourself but your initial reaction is to lớn throw up in your mouth a little bit. This is a time to lớn celebrate. I’m not suggesting you run rẩy up to lớn the couple and throw confetti all over them. You should mentally celebrate them. In your head say “that’s wonderful and awesome, good for them!”. When you get an tin nhắn that a friend or co-worker has been promoted bởi a little fist pump or celebratory dance. The thing is, you can’t secretly want something for yourself that you hate for others. This is one I work on. There is science to lớn tư vấn why it’s important to lớn celebrate the thing you want even when others get it.

The brain has a reward center. When you bởi something you enjoy you release happy hormones. The act of celebrating, even for someone else, releases dopamine into the system. The brain records that release as a good thing. When you bởi something you don’t lượt thích the brain releases an unhappy hooc môn. That gets recorded as don’t bởi that. The brain is a bit of a drug addict. It wants the feel-good hooc môn. When you celebrate you tell the brain whatever you were just doing or thinking about is good. The brain says “let’s bởi that again”. When you celebrate someone else getting a promotion, the happy hooc môn is released and the brain says promotions are good. The opposite is true. Don’t feel good about the promotion the brain says, let’s not bởi that. The brain will make micro decisions, unbeknownst to lớn you, to lớn move you toward what it perceives to lớn be the goal. There are thousands of micro decisions our subconscious makes for us. You want your subconscious aligned to lớn your conscious. A micro decision could be something lượt thích going the extra mile on a project or an idea that suddenly pops into your mind. Your brain will make micro decisions to lớn help release the happy hooc môn. So, celebrate to lớn program your brain to lớn align to lớn what you want.

Emulate

I don’t believe in nhái until you make it. I believe in imitation or, preferably, emulation. Imitation is about copying someone blindly while emulation is about doing something similar but modifying to lớn fit your style or situation. Faking it to lớn bu means you don’t really believe you can bởi it or it’s not authentic. If you don’t believe something to lớn be true, how can you make it there? When I see someone is successful at something I may just outright copy them until I get it. A great example is when I was pushing myself to lớn become better at networking. I am an introvert. I realized in business school my more outgoing classmates were able to lớn insert themselves in to lớn conversations and practically monopolize recruiters’ time. I had a good friend who was a master networker. In the beginning I just copied him. I said what he said, or at least what I imagined he would say. I even stood how he stood. As I began to lớn meet people and become more comfortable I switched from imitation to lớn emulation. I adjusted his tactics to lớn my style, things that were more authentic to lớn bu.

I prefer emulation because it combines the best of both worlds. You are observing someone else’s gifts and combining them with your own to lớn become even better. Emulation, if done successfully, is reinforced by the release of serotonin and dopamine. Serotonin is a biochemical that is released when we feel people respect us or we have a sense of accomplishment or pride. Dopamine makes us feel good when we’ve accomplished a specific task or goal. Eventually, the constant presence of these feel-good chemicals coursing through our veins will drive us to lớn repeat the behavior and improve upon it as we are rewarded for it. As I got better at networking, I wanted to lớn bởi it more. As I did it more I refined my method and improved, thus releasing even more serotonin and dopamine as a reward for the behavior.

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Congratulate

The best way to lớn program your brain to lớn deliver your success is to lớn congratulate. Speaking the words out loud to lớn the person allows your brain to lớn further embed the message. Additionally, you mix your own energy to lớn vibrate at that frequency. You know what else? It’s just a nice thing to lớn bởi. Who we are today is the sum of the words we spoke yesterday. Not literally yesterday, but in our past. The words we speak have much more of an impact than vãn we realize sometimes. That’s why mantras are effective and recommended. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle. The thoughts that we convert into words become thought again. The more you think and say something the more you think it and say it. Ghandi is most noted for putting this concept into words but at its core it’s something that has been known for centuries:

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.

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In other words haters gonna hate and winners gonna win. [tweetthis]haters gonna hate and winners gonna win[/tweetthis]By actually giving congratulations to lớn the person whether you speak the words, post them on Facebook or tin nhắn them, you are programming your brain to lớn deliver the results you want. Yes, even if you feel the person doesn’t deserve whatever they got. Should you congratulate someone who got an “A” in a class and you know for a fact they cheated? Probably not. Because the unintentional message you are giving your brain is that you value short cuts or a lack of integrity. Your brain may subconsciously find ways to lớn get you what you want that don’t necessarily align with your values. Lastly, when you congratulate someone the biochemical oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is the chemical that binds. It goes by several nicknames such as the hug hooc môn, the cuddle chemical, or the bliss hooc môn. This is that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you connect with another human being. When you congratulate someone, even if you’re a little envious, you will still push out a little oxytocin. You guessed it, the brain perceives that as a reward and will want to lớn bởi it again.

Don’t Hate

Our brains are drug addicts. Luckily we were designed to lớn be our own suppliers. Even though the human brain naturally dwells on negativity it craves reward. The tricky part is dislike, stress and anxiety also creates a reward. We have to lớn be conscious about what we want our brains to lớn focus on. The same reason celebrating, emulating and congratulating work is the same reason eating a pint of ice cream after a bad break up works. The same biochemicals are released. Negative words, emotional eating, etc. can become the reward. Remember, the next time you hear of someone getting a promotion you wanted or similar to lớn the one you wanted don’t hate, celebrate, emulate and congratulate.

About the author. Nile Harris is a word weaver and dream believer with 2o years of experience in healthcare and finance. This aspiring speaker, TED presenter and LinkedIn Influencer is committed to valuing people, driving healthcare access and innovation, and weaving words that move people to lớn action.  Her views are her own. Connect with Nile at her LinkedIn profile and follow @theNileHarris.